I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
