i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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