Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Did I show you my penis last night?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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