so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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