Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Of course I have a pirate flag
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
