I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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