I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
