She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
