Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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