dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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