so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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