Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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