So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
