My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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