It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
