69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
