my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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