she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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