Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
