Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
