It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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