I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
