dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
