Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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