think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
