Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
PANTIES FOUND
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