Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
