We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
