I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
