defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
