i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
