i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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