you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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