Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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