Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
