I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
