Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
