yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
