fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize