You're my little dorito
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize