I think my vagina is haunted
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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