Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
