he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have tasted many bathrooms
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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