Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
