even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I am one with the molecules
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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