Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
