Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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