Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
