hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
