i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
