Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
