guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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