As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
