And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
