I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
