Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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