No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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