Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
foreskin is a definite game changer
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
