Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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