Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
