Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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