I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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