if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you will always have a special place in my vag
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
